Ah Beng Jokes

October 19, 2008 · Posted in Anything 

A colleague of mine sent this to me a few Friday ago, just for laughter as all of us were pretty stressed at work. I find them pretty hilarious, so decided that it should be shared with all of you, my favoured readers. However, it may take a Singaporean to understand the joke.

So, this is the weekend joy for all of you, who are still facing the blues of the recent economic meltdown or the expecting the Monday Blues when thinking of work tomorrow. Have a great Sunday!

Ah Beng Jokes
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one. ‘Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid. If you don’t believe me I’ll show you.

He called his driver Ah Beng over and said, ‘Ah Beng, here is a $10 note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes‘.

To which Ah Beng replied, ‘Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!‘ and rushed off to the Showroom.

The rich man then turned to his friend and said, ‘See, I told you he was stupid.

The other rich man said, ‘That’s nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid.‘ And he called his driver, Ali. ‘Ali, go home now and check to see if I’m at home.

To which Ali said, ‘Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!‘ and ran home.

See what I told you? He doesn’t even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here.

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, ‘Eh, you know my boss is sooooooo stupid. He gave me $10 and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes….. Doesn’t he know that today is Sunday ah, the showroom is closed!

Ali replied, ‘You think your boss is stupid? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home… He got handphone what, he can just call up to check lah, bodoh!!!

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CAR

Beng and Seng excited and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition. Realizing the mistake, Beng asked, ‘Why don’t we get a coat hanger to open it.

‘No, that won’t work’ answered Seng. ‘People will think we’re trying to break in.

Then Beng suggested, ‘What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?

No,‘ said Seng. ‘People will think we’re too dumb not to use a coat hanger.

Then Kan Cheong Beng shouted, ‘we’d better think of something fast. It’s starting to rain and the sunroof is open!

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PIZZA

Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if she should cut it in six or twelve pieces. ‘Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.

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DEAD BIRD

Oh, look at the dead bird.‘ Ah Beng looked skyward and said ‘Where, Where got?

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NOT MY BROTHER!

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, ‘Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.

The woman thinks to herself, ‘Oh no, not my brother, he’s an idiot!

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, ‘Well, what’s the girl’s name?

Denise,‘ the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, ‘Wow, that’s not a bad name!’ Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!‘ Then she asks the doctor, ‘What’s the boy’s name?

The doctor replies, ‘DeNephew.

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ITALIAN

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered.

We’ll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci,‘ he said.

Sorry, sir,‘ said the waiter. ‘That’s the owner.

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If you can’t get enough of Ah Beng jokes, try the Singapore Singh jokes!

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